In loving memory of our Barney who we love so much. Barney our beautiful Bernese Mountain Dog will be greatly missed and be in our hearts forever.

Dear Barney, Where are you now? Are you close by? I keep looking for you but I can’t find you. Your food and water bowl remain untouched just incase you are looking and can’t find them. Your collar and jacket sit on the hallstand, I pick them up and try to smell you, I close my eyes and picture your beautiful face, I feel you lean against my leg. I would give anything for one last day, one last cuddle, to see you quiver with excitement and rush to greet me when I come home, one more adoring gaze and wag of your tail. I stare at your spot on the floor, if I close my eyes tight enough I can still see you there, your intent loving gaze.

Our house was so blessed with your beautiful presence and love when you came to us as a puppy, a birthday gift from my Brother in 2001. Never before had I met such a loving soul, you seemed to want for nothing more than the loving touch and gaze of your family. You were so gentle and dopey and I loved to watch you sit and watch birds and butterflies floating through the air with your massive head following them up and down, around and around until you made yourself dizzy. In no time you became great mates with Noodle the Bichon Frise whom you quickly let become your very bossy “big/little” brother. We soon learned that you were a keen swimmer when we took our rolly polly puppy to the river and you rolled right off the embankment into the water, without hesitation you started swimming like you had done it a hundred times before. This was the start of our many treks through the hills and your belly flopping into the winter creeks and river. You loved your home and loved to patrol, alerting us to the walkers on the tracks that run beside the house. You would listen to all the sounds of the forest and would go off barking at the native animals that were making noises in the bush. I will always remember your excitement when I was pulling into the driveway after being away for the day, you looked like you would burst with love, you would run up and down on the spot, and give me a huge smile as if to say “what took you so long, I have been waiting here forever?”

Dearest Barney, most of all I remember you for your devotion, unconditional love and companionship, you stuck to me like glue and I miss terribly the feeling of you against my leg as I potter around the house. You would always be sitting beside me whether I was cooking, watching tv or even going to the bathroom, you were always there with your adoring stare as you often placed your head on my lap or on my feet. Thankyou for keeping me safe, I know you were always on “special alert” when I was by myself and I also know that you were even more vigilant when I was pregnant with our human babies. You were just the right height for me to rest my hand on your head as we headed off on our many walks through the forest, not once did you take off and leave me, you constantly checked that I was in your vision even when you were distracted by bunny rabbits.

It was in early January 2007 that I first noticed you cry out in pain whilst laying around and I thought maybe you had been dreaming or something but that was the beginning of an horrendous six months of suffering at the hands of steroid responsive meningitis. This meant that your immune system had been slowly attacking itself over the months and wasting all of your muscles and nerves until you could no longer feel your back legs. We tried fighting this terrible disease, I gave you physio every minute of the day I could spare and we took you to hydrotherapy every other day, you seemed to be making a good recovery and even started walking again. You tried so hard for Mummy and I know how terrible those steroids were on your body yet you still kept going and following me around as best you could, trying to join in the fun like usual, your tail never failed to wag even with such pain.

The weekend you relapsed was a painful blur, we went to the park and it started to rain, we tried to run back to the car but you fell and failed as your rear legs twisted together. You tried to drag your poor body as you beckoned for help, I knew at that moment that we could no longer win this battle. My fears were confirmed that night when little Noodle slept with you, he knew how terribly sick you had become too. I feared that you could read my mind through the many times I cried and worried for you over those terrible months, I tried to stay positive so you wouldn't get scared. In those few months we had witnessed your body falling apart, it was absolutely heartbreaking.

I hate that we had to make that terrible decision, we had always protected each other but now I felt like I was killing you, was it too soon? was it too late? Would you ever forgive me? Your eyes showed me that you were terrified and your tail had stopped wagging, was this your sign for me that you couldn’t take anymore? You slipped away as I stroked your beautiful face and caressed your temples, I was hoping that you would fall asleep first and not know what was happening. Your big heart stopped beating and you became very still, you looked very peaceful, but you were gone.

That night I looked out into the night sky, I could see the garden as there was a full moon, the birds were chirping, I tried so hard to see if I could see you, maybe it was all a bad dream and you were outside wondering why I hadn’t let you back in.  Everything felt so surreal, I couldn't believe you had really gone, I couldn't stand the pain and emptiness nor the guilt of wishing I could have done better for you, found a way or miracle to make you well again.  

Even though you were such a big protective boy I know how scared you would get, scared of life and the big world, just like most of us and the only time you ever really felt safe was when you would lean your body into mine, I would hug you and your whole body would let out a big sigh, I know that's when you felt really safe. I hope you don't feel lost and you aren't too scared wherever you are, I pray so hard that there are beautiful kind Angels looking after you, I pray that they are helping you not to feel scared.

I miss you and love you so much, in your short time here on earth you touched the hearts of all that met you and we even received condolence cards from people that had been touched by your loving soul. I cherish every second of your life that we were graced with your presence, you were my big loving Barney boy, I miss you, my dearest friend, my companion, my little baby. Thankyou for all the love and happiness you gave us, thankyou for being the best dog anyone could wish for. Our hearts are broken without you. Wait for us in Heaven sweet Barney, I promise we will never have to be apart again and we will walk side by side for eternity.

We love you more than ever and miss you forever "Barndoggy",

Love Mummy, Daddy, James, Daniel and Noodle

xxxxxx OOOOOOOO xxxxxx